stuff

i am addicted to shopping. i am. i am addicted to it. i love shopping for clothes, shoes, purses, clothes for craig and caleb, home decorating items, furniture, cars, and even food. i get a rush out of buying something new, from swiping my debit (not credit!) card, from transfers of cash. i love bringing sacks full of stuff home and unpacking them. i love trying on my new purchases and hanging them in the closet. i love throwing old things away and replacing them with new.

i am also indecisive. i will spend hours researching items online, pouring over which purchase to make. since we don't have all that much money, i feel if i am going to purchase something, it must be the exact thing i need that will make me most happy. and, enter problem. why, knowing that stuff does not make me happy, do i still spend so much time looking for stuff that will make me happy? new stuff, mind you. i'm a new stuff kind of shopper. but it's so hard for me to keep my focus clear, keep my focus on the things of heaven when i'm in addict mode with the things of this world. now don't get me wrong...there's nothing intrinsically wrong with shopping - in healthy doses shopping is wonderful! but i feel the need to shop every day for something. anything...looking for things i need at home, things for my family, as well as things i can't afford but dream about...

the point is it has to stop. this earthly addiction. the point isn't the stuff, but that i feel almost an emptiness when i don't get a new something 'stuff' in a day's time. i fill my time looking for stuff and become distracted from my God who calls me to store my treasures in heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal. for where my treasure is, there my heart will be also. maybe it's my longing for something to fill my life, and i look for it in stuff. god, teach me to fill my life with you. prompt me to spend my time with you, as i have access to you at all times. you have given me the prime opportunity to spend time with you every day, yet i choose so often to spend my time looking for stuff instead. thank you for the blessing of choice, and the responsibility to choose you. help me to make that choice every day. i know when i follow you and fill my time with you, my cup overflows, and my life is satisfying. stuff only fills for a minute, and only leaves me desiring more stuff. God, be the stuff that fills my life, and leaves me only longing for more of you.